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” She looked toward Eva. “She’s doing really well.”Eva nodded. “Better than I did. She’s getting through this on sheer determination, I think. I’m proud of her.”Janet flailed her arm and Eva held her hand. She drew in a breath, held it and then panted.Her obstetrician stepped into the birthing room. “Janet -- we must get you into position.” Eva helped Janet onto her back and lifted the head of the bed a bit. “We’re going to do a cervical block,” the doctor said. “You might feel a pinch.” Janet grasped Eva’s hand and squeezed it. “That will take a couple of minutes to establish. Janet -- I think on the next contraction you can start pushing. Okay?”“Okay...” She felt the contraction begin.“Now, Push ... push, push, push...”Janet took a breath, held it and bore down. Her face reddened and veins in her neck protruded. The contraction passed and she panted. “That actually did feel good,” she said.“Baby’s in good position. I think we’ll start seeing a head with the next one.”Janet bore down. Irving says is all right, he does not expect perfection, but I am unhappy with myself. Even when Linda tells me the same as we drive to home I remain displeased.Only in the night when I am nearly asleep do I suddenly understand. Of course this woman does not lie! I feel very foolish that I have not seen this before. She fears for her man, her husband. She did not know of the crime that he has done, she only wishes to protect him, and she feels she should not say this for that reason. It makes deep conflict in her. I hear again her voice, the words she says, I see in my mind her movements and how she holds herself, and I am sure.Again I rise in night, and go to other room, living room. There I go over again and again in my mind. Yes, I am sure, I know this to be so; I should have known this then, I should have said.I berate myself for this when Linda comes again as she did before when I could not sleep.“You OK, darling?” she asks in sleepy voice.“Yes, I’m fine,” I tell her. “I finally.
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